Top 10 Albums of the Decade - According to Chris (Not Jim, I Hate that Show)

So the decade is coming to a close...boo right?  Well not if you are getting out of jail on Jan 1. 2010.  Then you are probably pretty happy I guess.  If that is the case, then you'll want to get your music collection up to speed.

Here are my (Chris Balzer's) top ten albums of the decade in case you find yourself in a similar predicament.

#1 The Music – The Music (2002)

These guys were like 5 years old or something when they recorded this. Bands are still copying their style today. I remember I bought this album only because there was a band bold (or possibly stupid) enough to call themselves “The Music” and I had to see what it was about. I was a freshman in college and apparently had money to blow at the local Borders. I had never heard of them before, but can still listen to this on repeat today nearly 8 years later.

#2 Of Montreal – Skeletal Lamping (2008)

Kevin Barnes doesn’t fall back on any pop formulas on this album, the twists and turns just work somehow, and I have no idea why. This is the most recent challenge to the traditional concept of what an album should be.

#3 Arcade Fire – Funeral (2004)

The first time I heard Arcade Fire’s music I was in Oxford, OH. I was listening to a local college band cover “Wake Up” at one of the small bars in town. I had no idea who Arcade Fire was, but thought that the band covering them was set for world domination.

#4 Modest Mouse – We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank (2007)

Modest Mouse is one of those bands that cannot be quickly genre-lized, and I always liked that about them. Even after gaining mainstream success they’re still a little weird and quirky. This album is that perfect combination of uniqueness and reliable catchiness from front to back.

#5 Muse – Black Holes and Revelations (2006)

This whole band is retardedly talented and have shown that they have no problem incorporating any style into an epic rock/anti-establishment motif on several of their albums. I listened to this for 2 weeks straight while on vacation in France and I think it was more than half the reason I enjoyed that trip so much. I promised not to let a band’s live show influence this list of top albums…but it’s hard not to be impacted by that when it comes to Muse. (hint: phenomenal)

#6 Muse – Absolution (2004)

If the world was ever coming to an end, I want this to be the record I’m listening to.

#7 LCD Soundsystem – Sound of Silver (2007)

Front man James Murphy is an insanely talented composer, and I think his finest work is on this album. Anyone who passes up a job as a writer for Seinfeld to continue doing music is stupid if it doesn’t work out and awesome if it does…since it did …awesome.

#8 The Faint – Wet from Birth (2004)

Countless bands have combined electronic music and rock music, but the electro-punk mix on this record just works better than the rest for some reason.

#9 Razorlight – Up All Night (2004)

This album is pure black eye, bloody lip, back alley rock and roll. It makes me sad that they kind of jumped the shark and got soft around the edges with their subsequent releases, but on this one Razorlight is the balls.

#10 Phoenix – Alphabetical (2004)

This is one of the best sounding records of the decade. I was floored when I found out it was produced by the band in their basement.

Well there it is folks.  Hope you enjoyed the list and the last ten years of your life.  Happy New Year!


Verona Red Alters the Course of Humanity at Subterranean Sat. Jan 9

According to the Mayan calendar, every 10,000 years or so the celestial bodies surrounding earth align to form an energy field of very special significance.

Mayans referred to this field as “The Good Times.”

Although no one is EXACTLY sure what will happen the next time these celestial bodies align to bring about the “The Good Times,” ancient Mayan scriptures speak of “complete matter rockage.” Modern science interprets one possibility as the total “rocking out” of every particle in the known universe.

According to the Mayan calendar the “The Good Times” will occur 19 days after the winter solstice in the year that Western culture now interprets as 2009 A.D, making the exact date of this celestial alignment January 9, 2010.

Now it just so happens (and trust I was as surprised as you) that we have a show with The Glide, a sweet fucking band, in Chicago that very night (1/9/2010) at Subterranean. (2011 W North Ave, Chicago, IL, 60647)

Interestingly enough, the Mayan scriptures also speak of four pale-skinned harbingers who will serve as ushers deemed to lead all of humanity through “The Good Times.” The Mayans called this tribe of special men “Choco Taco Balls” – which loosely translated means Verona Red.

Normally I’d be all like, “hey come out to this show, it’s probably gonna be awesome…jizz, nuts, boobs blah blah blah.”

But this time I don’t want you to come cause I said so…
I want you to come to share in an experience that will change the course of humanity forever.
I want you to come for a cosmic event of epic proportion.
I want you to come and feel every instance of matter both in and around you vibrate with the sheer force of rock and roll.

Verona Red fucks with existence at…

Subterranean (2011 W North Ave., Chicago, IL, 60647)

Saturday January 9, 2009

With The Glide (http://www.myspace.com/theglidemusic)

Tickets: $8 in advance http://www.ticketweb.com/t3/sale/SaleEventDetail?dispatch=loadSelectionData&eventId=676225link

$10 at the door

Doors: 9 PM, show starts at 9:30 PM

Check out the event on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/photo_search.php?oid=211279648191&view=user#/event.php?eid=211279648191&ref=mf


Cumming for Peace

So all you space geeks and meteorligists out there might already know that today is the winter solstice.  But what you probably didn't know is that it is also Global Orgasm Day.  Really it is... I'm not making this up....Wikipedia might be, but I'm not. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_Orgasm)

Here's some spiritual bullshit background crap to get you caught up.  Basically, a bunch of tree huggers have decided that if we all cum our pants at the same time we can end war forever...

Global Orgasm for Peace follows in the footsteps of other mass meditation and prayer events which also claimed to be able to change the energy field of the Earth.... The Global Orgasm's organizers hope to create a positive change in the energy field of the Earth that can be measured by the GCP and that might begin a shift away from war as foreign policy.

So in the spirit of shifting energy fields via load blowing here's some pics I found to help all different kinds of people in the world get their rocks off today...I propose 12:30 PM CST...that's when I go to lunch.
For the industrial types

Nature lovers

Suzy homemakers

Crazy cat ladies

Smelly pirate hookers

People who hate vans with windows

And the clergy (you can screw celibacy for a day)

Oh Whoopi... you complete me.. anyway here's wishing world peace and orgasms to you and your family during this holiday season!


Most Amazing Penises in the Animal Kingdom

Mike and I spent several hours last night reading about the five most amazing penises in the animal kingdom. 

Below is a video on barnacles, i think they were #2 on the list...

This is probably the safest one to watch if you're at work, unless your boss is a horny marine bioligist.

To see what other animals have amazing penises check out Cracked.com. Big respect to the author of the list, his/her written commentary is hilarious. Definately check it out http://www.cracked.com/article/241_5-animals-that-can-do-amazing-things-...-with-their-penises_p2

These little fuckers can swing like Sinatra!


The Rockbox (Chicago, IL) 12/5/2009

Rock and roll was the name of the game at the Rockbox on the 5th of December. We had a fucking amazing time! Not sure if there was something in the air that night…or maybe it was the absence of toys in the "Toys for Tots" box in the back that just got us all jazzed up. Anyway, it turned out to be one hot mess of semen and alfredo sauce.

It was a spiritual journey and we thank all of you who came out to experience it with us. After the show I noticed everyone had gotten through it in their own way.

Some were angry

Others...just plain confused





But for most of us it was a night of personal reflection

No matter how you felt that night, just know WE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU!

And most importantly please remember that we are constantly reading up on new ways to keep you satisfied ;)

Can’t wait to see all you Chicago kids again at Subterranean on Jan. 9!

Shit Mike Says to Strangers on Myspace to Get Them to Come Out to Shows: Episode 1

Subject: about this whole Libra thing

Now, if libra's are so damn good in bed, why would I not want to fuck with them? My current philosophy on fucking as it stands is fuck those who are good at it. Yet your horoscope says specifically not to fuck with Libras. Confused at best, I'm left with a good fucker who I shouldn't fuck with, well fuck that. I stick by my guns and say fuck the good fuckers and long live rock and roll. Nov. 28th 9:30 pm at Vollrath Tavern, only good fuckers welcome. Later.

Verona Red


Tony and I Make Magic on the Dance Floor

One of our coolest fans sent us a link to this video of Tony and I.  Enjoy Tony's exquisite footwork and hot rack in this intimate and highly suggestive clip!

Thank you Kathy! Private ribbon performance for you next time we stop in the Detroit area.


Holiday Fashion

Keep warm this winter with a Verona Red Cowl and Neck Warmer


If you think you'd like to buy this for that special someone this holiday season I suggest you do so now before we start suing. http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=36079537


Verona Red on WXRT Tonight!

Verona Red's going to be on XRT's "Local Anesthetic" tonight at 7:30.  We're jizzing from all 9 of our nuts over here.

Local Anesthetic is a 30-minute show that Richard Milne does every week where he picks local artists to spotlight.  This is the first time we'll be featured, so tune in and check it out!

You can catch the show live online HERE or in Chicago on the FM radio at 93.1.  AND, if you love us or the music to ANY amount, please call after the show and let XRT know.  IF you do this, we could be featured on XRT more often.  Sploodge.

To our fans, thanks for rockin' our balls last night.  We're looking forward to 1/9 at Subterranean.  We love you, kids.

To our new fans, nice to meet you, welcome to the jungle.


Literal Video - Head Over Heels by Tears For Fears

Telling it like it is.  Super.

Linked to rest of Literal Videos in our "Other Favorite Internet Stuff" section on right side of screen.


The Game Plan for This Saturday's Show at The Rockbox

Good Times Guaranteed.

Saturday Dec. 5
The Rockbox (2624. N. Lincoln Ave. Chicago, IL)
Show starts at 10, $5, 21+

The event on Facebook -> http://www.facebook.com/#/event.php?eid=208184527227&ref=ts


Vollrath Tavern (Indianapolis, IN) 11/28/2009

This was just an old fashion barn burner. What can I say we rocked the place until we had bruises on our knees and whiskey in our pubes.

AS USUAL the ladies tried to rip my clothes off after the show.

These lasses would not take no for an answer and didn’t stop until my underwear was hanging from the ceiling.

Once the females had their fill, I enjoyed a great set by a cool band out of Columbus called The Receiver (http://www.myspace.com/thereceiver) check them out if get a chance.

We were super pumped to hang out with some lndy fans as we have not been in the area since May.

Kris here is awesome. We drank to the good times and puking like dinosaurs. If you’ve read past posts you know what he’s talking about.

With many drinks comes insatiable hunger, so pizza was shared.

Mike was hungriest, so we let him take down the most.

In all, Indy was fun, can’t wait to come back to Melody Inn in Indy on Jan 8!


Beat Kitchen (Chicago, IL) 11/6/2009

This was a rock and roll wet dream. Our first show with new bassist John Bottrell and we had a fucking blast. From the moment we set foot in the place everyone in the band was amp’d to play like Daryl Strawberry in a cocaine jungle gym.

Mike was so excited he was determined to expose himself to the young ladies. He repeatedly scolded me for not getting close enough to his crotch with the camera.

Indeed, he was quite forceful about everyone in the band seeing it as well and demanded everyone’s full attention.

Tony was more interested in fun parts of the female persuasion, and mike’s fingers were not happy.

After two great sets by AktarAktar (http://www.myspace.com/aktaraktar) and Moxie Motive (http://www.myspace.com/moxiemotive), it was time to rock.  And I think we rocked harder than I believe we have rocked in some time.

To be truthful this was one of the best crowds we’d played for. So thank you again to everyone who came out that night, and if you were one of drunkards banging on a tambourine for the last couple of songs, let me just say you have great inebriated rhythm.

In the end a true test of any show is what happens afterwards at the merch booth. We worked it hard… hey a bands gotta eat.

Then it was off to Underbar with some friends, old and new.  The good times didn't stop until the wee hours of the morning when Tony went into cardiac arrest.


Halloween 2009 And My Narrow Escape From Butt Rapage

Wow so Halloween this year….yeah I’m a little late with this post but there is a good reason… 1. It took me forever to get the pics off my phone and 2. I’ve been busy brushing my moustache.

So the night before Halloween started with a midnight screening of Rocky Horror Picture Show. Yeah I had no idea what to expect, but was told from several “credible” sources that as a Virgin to the show, I could expect to get butt raped or have to deep throat a night stick Big Bossman style.

 Neeldess to say I couldn’t wait.

Waiting in line outside the Music Box Theater, I’d never seen so many sexually repressed Mid-Westerners in my life. The number of guys in negligees and tighty whities was alarming and impressive. I felt like a young Drew Barrymore in the prime of her adolescent sexual deviance.  My bum was feeling worried by such aggressive prospects.

Inside things got even nuttier.  This girl's ass was grass.  Was I next?

I found the nearest tough guy and buddied up.  Odd Job seemed like a safe choice.

After that I was safe, my buddy Joe on the other hand was helpless to the charms of the Rocky Horror Picture Show, to tell you the truth I think he was less privy to the protocol of the situation than I.  Ladies and gentlemen I present to you the sexually charged/lost/confused Richie Tenenbaum.

A week later I discovered Joe never made it out of the theater, the janitors found him in the ushers closet the next day huddling a pile of cocaine that even Darryl Strawberry wouldn't scoff at.  I on the other hand, after escaping a night of butt rapage, was already getting pumped for the actual night of Halloween by the following afternoon.

I was some kind of rock and roll robot…again very underprepared for the holiday’s, so I had to buy a kid's costume at the dollar store.  Add in a little make-up and hair dye and I was ready to go…but not before I finished my chores.

I think the sexual exploration of the night before hadn’t quite worn off yet, as I was apparently still feeling a bit randy at the bar.  Don’t be fooled by the perkiness, these warlocks were definatley real.

Drinks were had, some guy’s i-phone was found, and passing out into a cheeseburger was inevitable. In the morning I was just another average Joe trying to make his way back home.