Manila Hook-ups

I’m not going to invest my youthful years falling in and out of love with “good” computers that just up and leave you one day...From now on I’ll be sleeping around with paper file folders instead. 25/m looking for manila hook-ups if you got any.

Welcome to the Carl Jung-le!

Watching nature show last night… saw a monkey use another monkey’s baby to shield himself from an attack he was receiving from an even larger group of monkeys. This is the kinda shit that has to make you wonder why we spend so much time blaming ourselves whenever we act like douche bags…it’s not fair! We’re genetically pre-disposed to assholitis.

A New Approach

I think if I ever have the time, I’d like to sit down and re-write the Bible. Not to change its message, but to translate the parables into more modern terms, something that will scare people back into “believing”…ya know something that really works. “On judgment day, the grounds will swell and split, and every under-performer will fall into a fiery pit of cubicles where he will be nagged by middle management for all eternity” (Revelations 3:48…except it wouldn’t be called Revelations…it would be more like Employee Performance Review 3:48).

Aliens Gone Wild

UFO’s are getting out of hand. I mean what’s deal with aliens these days? For the past 2,000 years they’ve been flying around spherical orbs ergonomically designed to travel through space and penetrate atmospheres without blowing up. Now, based on all the crop circles I’ve seen as of late, these same aliens are flying around in ships with all sorts of nonsense shapes, like jelly fish or ass-less chaps. Surely these designs cannot not be as efficient. But like everything else…it’s all frills and status in the alien automotive industry these days. Where’s the good old fashion flying disc that made the UFO industry what it is today? And what’s the government doing about this?

Dumb Question

One bedroom topic I’ve never understood: What’s the fascination with having a woman “bend-over” and touch her toes? I’d be far more impressed if she could bend backwards and touch mine. Anyone seen the clippers?

Good Endings

I found myself on a three day drinking binge at a casino in Maine with a bunch of potato farmers (believe it or not I was there on business). The question occurred to me, why wasn’t this one of the trips highlighted in Dr. Suess’s “Oh the Places You’ll Go”? Would have made a great last page.

The Short End of the Stick

Kids are fat.. Lets face it, you’re kid is probably one of them, but its not their generation we need to feel bad for… it’s the generation of pedophiles right ahead of them that got the short end of the stick.

Planning For an Ass Eyeball

I’d like to have an eye ball on my ass…you know like one of those fish that fool predators into thinking they are bigger than they are because they have a spot that looks like an eyeball located somewhere on their gigantic tail. Not sure what I’d do with it, but I imagine it could come in handy once the ice caps melt.

Who Really Cares If Someone Sees You Taking a Crap?

Whats the deal with locks on bathroom stalls, okay so it keeps the door closed, but who really cares if someone sees you taking a crap... they can hear it? smell it? so why not see it too? Is it to stop someone from barging in? I say if they really want to see it put quarter slot on the door and let me decide.