A National Solution

The November general election for the President of the United States has been a heated topic of debate and discussion for the past several months. John McCain, the 72 year old presumptive nominee for the Republican party born in the Panama Canal Zone from an unholy coupling between an American canal builder and a female brown throated three toed sloth with reputedly loose morals,

is the perfect candidate for anyone who has enjoyed the last eight years of Republican government. However, some ultra Conservative Republicans have called him a "maverick" and a "renegade" that will deviate from toeing the party line. What they don't seem to understand is that his "crazy" ways are mostly a product of the severe mental trauma that he suffered as a POW in Vietnam. The bills he has signed over his past 22 years spent as a U.S. Senator from Arizona that seemed to not coincide with Republican interests were mostly Post Traumatic Stress Disorder related incidents of him thinking he was signing an order to nuke North Vietnam.

Barack Obama presents an interesting candidate for the Democratic party. He preaches a message of change and is attempting to inspire hope in a country where a lot of the population has lost faith in its government. He should already be lauded for his accomplishments for keeping the 1/2 Methodist, 1/2 pure evil Hillary Clinton out of the running:



Although, to be fair, she will probably announce her candidacy on the "I'm Willing to Completely Destroy my own Political Party to Satisfy my Ambitions" party ticket. Obama has little political experience when put next to a candidate like John McCain, but that's like saying that a baby is a shitty serial killer when compared with Ted Bundy. The point is, you never know what kind of potential you're dealing with and the little bastard DID just light the cat on fire.

Being that the two candidates are so different on so many platforms and topics, the country seems to need a more moderate solution as a compromise. And if there's anything Verona Red knows about, it's compromise, be it integrity, morals, friends, family, etc.

So how will the four members of the band divide such a position of power amongst themselves? Rotating shifts at President. Chris Balzer, as the frontman, will be President for the first month. Mike Panagakis will be the Secretary of the Treasury. He's handled most of the band's finances up to this point, and if he can deal with quantities of money dealing in the hundreds, he can probably figure out the rest. Taz Rasheed will be the Secretary of the Interior because he likes trees. And Tony Focht will be the Secretary of Homeland Security to keep an eye on Taz and to make sure his phone is tapped. When Chris isn't president, he will be the Secretary of Labor, as he's the only band member that seems to know how to maintain a steady job.

Verona Red pledges to do everything for everybody. If you're poor, Verona Red will make you rich. If you're rich, Verona Red will ask you for band funding, but that's it. If you are against continuing the war in Iraq, Verona Red promises to withdraw the troops. If you are FOR the war, Verona Red promises to buy you a plane ticket to Iraq, a gun, and some combat boots.

So everybody, please, on the Presidential Ballot in November, make Verona Red the write-in candidate that takes this country by storm.

Verona Red - We'll rock you so hard, you'll forget that our country's a mess.