I’d like to have an eye ball on my ass…you know like one of those fish that fool predators into thinking they are bigger than they are because they have a spot that looks like an eyeball located somewhere on their gigantic tail. Not sure what I’d do with it, but I imagine it could come in handy once the ice caps melt.
6.15.2009
Who Really Cares If Someone Sees You Taking a Crap?
Whats the deal with locks on bathroom stalls, okay so it keeps the door closed, but who really cares if someone sees you taking a crap... they can hear it? smell it? so why not see it too? Is it to stop someone from barging in? I say if they really want to see it put quarter slot on the door and let me decide.
7.08.2008
Verona Red pledges to donate concert proceeds to polar bears
The members of Verona Red have always felt that there was more to playing music than access to a wide variety of illegal drugs and promiscuous drunk women. They also feel that, once the morning after effects of said drugs have worn off and after they have managed to kick the drunken strangers out of their bedrooms, they can use their music and the crowds that support them to help worthy causes. One of the primary focuses for the band lately has been on polar bears and the rapid diminishment of their natural hunting grounds due to global warming. Experts predict that polar bears will be extinct in less than six weeks if this trend continues. The scene they describe is heartrending: individual polar bears sadly sitting on a tiny piece of ice, drinking a Coke, just drifting off into the horizon.
Verona Red is doing what they can to prevent this. At their Wednesday show at the Bottom Lounge, they are going to donate $1,000,000 Canadian dollars for every 1,000 people that show up to support them. That's right. You heard it here first, folks. And why Canadian dollars? Where do you think polar bears live? That's right, Canada.
When asked why they are doing this, the various members all had different motivations:
Chris - "I just think it's sad. We grew up always knowing that polar bears were around and that we could go to the zoo and see them. I just want future generations to be able to admire these noble creatures as well."
Mike - "Have you ever seen these things? They're killing machines. It's crazy. All they do is kill and sleep all day, and that's a lifestyle I feel I can really get behind, you know?"
Tony - "Well... they're starving, you know? Because the ice is melting and they have nowhere to hunt. So we want to make sure that they get the money, and I hope everyone understands that we will make sure that the money goes directly to the polar bears. No beaurocracy, no red tape that leeches money from the cause. We will personally deliver the cash to the ice floes and see that the bears have it, cash in paw."
Taz - "I just figure saying I'm saving polar bears will help get me laid. Oh ... and it's, like, a tragedy."
As one can tell, it's clearly a matter very close to all their hearts for different reasons. With the changing face of the world today, it's refreshing to see that a band cares about real issues facing the environment and the natural inhabitants of this world.
So come out and support Verona Red at the Bottom Lounge this Wednesday at 11 p.m.!
Verona Red is doing what they can to prevent this. At their Wednesday show at the Bottom Lounge, they are going to donate $1,000,000 Canadian dollars for every 1,000 people that show up to support them. That's right. You heard it here first, folks. And why Canadian dollars? Where do you think polar bears live? That's right, Canada.
When asked why they are doing this, the various members all had different motivations:
Chris - "I just think it's sad. We grew up always knowing that polar bears were around and that we could go to the zoo and see them. I just want future generations to be able to admire these noble creatures as well."
Mike - "Have you ever seen these things? They're killing machines. It's crazy. All they do is kill and sleep all day, and that's a lifestyle I feel I can really get behind, you know?"
Tony - "Well... they're starving, you know? Because the ice is melting and they have nowhere to hunt. So we want to make sure that they get the money, and I hope everyone understands that we will make sure that the money goes directly to the polar bears. No beaurocracy, no red tape that leeches money from the cause. We will personally deliver the cash to the ice floes and see that the bears have it, cash in paw."
Taz - "I just figure saying I'm saving polar bears will help get me laid. Oh ... and it's, like, a tragedy."
As one can tell, it's clearly a matter very close to all their hearts for different reasons. With the changing face of the world today, it's refreshing to see that a band cares about real issues facing the environment and the natural inhabitants of this world.
So come out and support Verona Red at the Bottom Lounge this Wednesday at 11 p.m.!
6.20.2008
Beer Heaven looks like a pretty square joint
The new Miller Lite advertising campaign about "beer heaven" is a complete joke. I understand that companies advertising their products are going to try to promote their particular brand as the best available. But the sheer arrogance of Miller Lite saying, not only is Miller Lite the sole available choice in beer heaven, but no one who drinks beer would or should ever even want a different kind of beer than a light, American style lager. That's making a judgment statement on me that I don't appreciate. It's screwing over a lot of beer aficionados who actually have broader tastes in beer than Miller Lite, which is a classy one step up from PBR, Miller High Life, and Old Style. And, to be fair, I'll take any of the three of those before Miller Lite on a given night of debauchery if only for the fifty cents it will save me.
In Beer Heaven, it's way too well lit and everyone is dressed super fancy.
It looks like the VIP room to an incredibly pompous chic club. (One of those clubs that is so fancy that the bartender can just wear a ratty t-shirt because that's how cool they are.)
The kind of club that you have to wait in line for 45 minutes unless you get lucky enough where one of the girls that's in the group either in front or behind you (because you sure haven't brought any girls) has low enough self esteem to blow the doorman so you can slide in pretending that you know her. And then God forbid you're wearing jeans or sneakers, because then the 45 minute wait was for no reason as the 'roided up bouncer with both mommy and daddy issues will tell you in no uncertain words to go home. The only uncertainty in it is trying to decipher the monosyllabic barely comprehensible grunting coming from his caveman-like lips that seem to always be approaching a slack jawed drooling. Once you finally get past that step you get to pay the $20 cover to the cashier girl who is probably the most attractive female you will see all night anyways. Once you're in, the oontzy headache forming music from the DJ who has more coke in his system than Brian Urlacher after coming out of the locker room for the second half and the seizure inducing strobe lights will serve to so completely disorient you that you'll need some seven dollar beers in your system just to feel like your life has purpose again.
In conclusion, beer heaven sucks. And while the bottles may never break, the bar stool may recline, and the pristine conditions of the bar in the commercial can seem appealing, if Miller Lite is all that is offered in Beer Heaven, I'll gladly ride my one way ticket to beer hell where I'm actually afforded a choice.
Beer Hell:
In Beer Heaven, it's way too well lit and everyone is dressed super fancy.
It looks like the VIP room to an incredibly pompous chic club. (One of those clubs that is so fancy that the bartender can just wear a ratty t-shirt because that's how cool they are.)
The kind of club that you have to wait in line for 45 minutes unless you get lucky enough where one of the girls that's in the group either in front or behind you (because you sure haven't brought any girls) has low enough self esteem to blow the doorman so you can slide in pretending that you know her. And then God forbid you're wearing jeans or sneakers, because then the 45 minute wait was for no reason as the 'roided up bouncer with both mommy and daddy issues will tell you in no uncertain words to go home. The only uncertainty in it is trying to decipher the monosyllabic barely comprehensible grunting coming from his caveman-like lips that seem to always be approaching a slack jawed drooling. Once you finally get past that step you get to pay the $20 cover to the cashier girl who is probably the most attractive female you will see all night anyways. Once you're in, the oontzy headache forming music from the DJ who has more coke in his system than Brian Urlacher after coming out of the locker room for the second half and the seizure inducing strobe lights will serve to so completely disorient you that you'll need some seven dollar beers in your system just to feel like your life has purpose again.In conclusion, beer heaven sucks. And while the bottles may never break, the bar stool may recline, and the pristine conditions of the bar in the commercial can seem appealing, if Miller Lite is all that is offered in Beer Heaven, I'll gladly ride my one way ticket to beer hell where I'm actually afforded a choice.
Beer Hell:
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