Recently Verona Red has released information that they are working on the details of an agreement with a national television commercial advertising agency to provide a song for one of the largest Herpes cream lines in America. This is a big step for Verona Red as it will give them national exposure and a proud highlight on their burgeoning resume. It comes at a perfect time, as the band has a bit more free time following some intense months in the studio recording their soon to be released and as of yet untitled album.
I sat down with frontman Chris Balzer to ask him about the band's newest gig:
ME: First of all, congratulations on the deal. You guys must be really excited about the national exposure this will get you.
CHRIS: Yeah. I mean, I guess. We're trying to work some kind of deal where the commercial is presented as a sort of music video, you know, about herpes, so that the band's name will actually appear on it. Otherwise, it's just a few easy bucks and that's about it. I don't know how many people would actually investigate a herpes website to find the band playing the soundtrack to it. Imagine a network security tech guy finding that website in an employee's internet history.
ME: Speaking of money, how much is this going to contribute to the band fund?
CB: We're still working on those details. Since we don't have an agent, and since unfortunately Taz decided he was the best negotiator in the band, it looks like we're going to mostly get paid in herpes cream.
ME: I see. Well I suppose that could come in handy...
CB: All things considered, it might work out in the long run. I mean, our goal IS to become rock stars, so while on tour, herpes might end up being a big concern.
ME: Yeah, one in five American adults from what I hear.
CB: Really? That much? That means between the band and you, one of us probably has it by now.
ME: Well, let's just say that if those statistics are exact, I think the band is safe. Er, anyways... What exactly is the format of the commercial?
CB: Well, you know how most herpes commercials have a guy, and a girl, and they're completely in love, despite the fact that one of them has herpes? Sunny day, swinging in the meadows, all the nonsense, and there's sappy orchestral music in the background really romanticizing the whole thing. Well, this new brand that's coming out decided to put a more realistic spin on the whole thing and have a more rock and roll attitude about it. You know, going out to some dive bar, getting nice and plastered, and making some bad decisions. Bad decisions that lead to a life-long battle with "the herp".
ME: Any lyrics you could part with?
CB: Contractually, no. But let me tell you, it's a pain in the ass trying to rhyme anything with herpes. The only thing we could come up with was Slurpees, so they kinda had to work in a 7-11 scene.
ME: A nice little corporate co-advertising campaign. The new herpes cream, sold nationwide at 7-11.
CB: Yeah, that's about right.
ME: All right, Chris. I'll let you go start working on making the new investment worthwhile. May I suggest a few nights across from your apartment at Stadium West?
CB: Well, I've been in there on two occasions and sat on two different barstools. Chances are the first outbreak will be popping out soon.
ME: Lovely. Thanks.
The commercial is set to wrap shooting next week. It should be ready to hit the air sometime late this summer, so keep your eyes and ears open, and stay in your chairs during commercial breaks because soon the dulcet tones of Chris Balzer and Verona Red will be on a Herpes commercial near you.
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