Good Endings

I found myself on a three day drinking binge at a casino in Maine with a bunch of potato farmers (believe it or not I was there on business). The question occurred to me, why wasn’t this one of the trips highlighted in Dr. Suess’s “Oh the Places You’ll Go”? Would have made a great last page.

The Short End of the Stick

Kids are fat.. Lets face it, you’re kid is probably one of them, but its not their generation we need to feel bad for… it’s the generation of pedophiles right ahead of them that got the short end of the stick.

Planning For an Ass Eyeball

I’d like to have an eye ball on my ass…you know like one of those fish that fool predators into thinking they are bigger than they are because they have a spot that looks like an eyeball located somewhere on their gigantic tail. Not sure what I’d do with it, but I imagine it could come in handy once the ice caps melt.

Who Really Cares If Someone Sees You Taking a Crap?

Whats the deal with locks on bathroom stalls, okay so it keeps the door closed, but who really cares if someone sees you taking a crap... they can hear it? smell it? so why not see it too? Is it to stop someone from barging in? I say if they really want to see it put quarter slot on the door and let me decide.